The Day I Gave My Husband Away

Like most teenage girls, I often dreamed of my ideal man.  He would be loving, patient, kind and considerate.   We would marry and his undying love would care for me and whatever children we had.  But this guy was not just the man of my dreams.  He was the man of my prayers.  Every day, I stopped in the convent Chapel and prayed that the Lord would send me just such a man.

On September 8, 1973, I walked down the aisle and said “I do” to Rex, the man of my hopes and prayers. As the years went by, Rex proved to be exactly everything I had requested.  We had five children.  With each baby, it seemed that our love deepened for each other and for God. 

Together, we volunteered for various ministries in our parish and diocese.  Slowly, the feeling grew within us both, that Rex was called to be a permanent deacon, to serve in an official capacity as an assistant shepherd of our church’s flock.   While attending the ordination of a neighbor, during Mass, Rex and I looked over at each other.  No words were necessary.  At that moment, we both knew for certain that Rex was being called.  Silently, we simply nodded at one another.

Although only the man is ordained to the office of deacon, spouses participate in the formation classes.  It was during this time of preparation when I came to realize that this was not just one more way in which Rex would volunteer for our parish.  It was a commitment beyond any he had ever previously made.  Rex had to agree not to remarry in the event of my death. He would have a flock to help shepherd.   Rex’s pact with God would not just be  between the two of them either.  I had to give away my husband.  For the first time in our married life, I'd be alone in the pew with our children. 

Rex and I  had always  attended Mass as a family, sitting together and praying together. My husband and I sat side by side as we believed this was an unspoken symbol of our union in Christ.  Our children knew that we were inseparable and even they didn't sit between us!   It’s what I had envisioned as a young girl so many years before when I prayed for a good husband.

Now, there would be many Sundays, holidays and major feasts days where I would have full responsibility of the five children in the pew with me. With three boys and two girls getting through one Mass alone would be a challenge.  Looking ahead to a long future as the lone adult in our pew, was intimidating.  Our youngest would be one year old when Daddy was ordained. The other children were all in their formative years between the ages of three and twelve.  The whole group together was like a bouquet of helium filled balloons that wanted to flitter away.  I wish I could brag that the children sat as quiet, little angels during Masses but my crowd's personalities just didn't fit that description.  Keeping order in the pew and not providing huge distractions to those around us was something Rex had always been there to help with.  Taking on this daunting task alone was one of the toughest things I'd have to adjust to as the wife of a deacon.

As part of our preparation for ordination, we had occasional interviews in front of the diaconate board. These interviews were meant for further discernment about whether we'd be ready for ordination. One of these important interviews happened to come on our wedding anniversary date. At first, I did not think anything of the coincidence but after the interview, I was hit by the immense significance. During the interview, I was asked how I felt about Rex’s ordination. The Holy Spirit illuminated my thoughts as I responded.

"In high school I had prayed for the Lord to send me a wonderful man,” I explained. “He heard my prayer and answered it. Now, I am being asked to give Rex back to the Lord in service of His people. How can I say no?”

It has been twenty-four years since I willingly gave Rex back to our Lord when he was ordained a permanent deacon. I still remember the joy flowing through me like a fountain.  Over the years, I've missed Rex sitting next to me, especially at our children's special events such as First Communion and Confirmation.  Even on ordinary Sundays, I sometimes wished for Rex's help with the children during Mass.  One memorable Sunday I took the baby to the back of the church since he was being rather fussy.  Before long, I heard the patter of little patent-leather shoes coming down the aisle. There was his teary-eyed three-year-old sister who missed us.  Next around the corner appeared the smiling face of my seven-year-old child, coming to see if I needed anything.  After a few minutes my ten-year-old son came to see what was going on.  Finally, the oldest, our twelve-year-old daughter, showed up thinking maybe I needed her help. It felt as though my bouquet of helium balloons was let loose in the church.   With everyone accounted for, I rounded the children up and trekked back to the empty pew. We made quite a procession.

The years have since passed and the children are grown. Our youngest son was an usher and sacristan so eventually he wasn't in the pew with me anymore. However, I know that my husband, Rex, is a very gifted man and that the love he shows me and our children is not just for our family. The small sacrifice of sitting in a pew alone I've accepted so that others may be blessed by the Lord through my precious spouse. I rejoice in having such a wonderful gift I can lovingly share with others.

This story is published in Amazing Grace for Families